Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
