I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
