I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
