Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
