i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize