The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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