Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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