I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
