Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
