so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Randomize
