I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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