I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
