She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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