It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
