She's JV to your varsity
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
