I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
