how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
