all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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