LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
