I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
