You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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