Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
