we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
