Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
