she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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