Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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