sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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