If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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