i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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