i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
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