I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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