my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
