I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize