Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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