nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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