i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
