my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
