You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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