He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize