Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
