so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
