the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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