just come out here and I will go home with you...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't deserve a penis
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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