I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
