According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
