I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
