I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
