there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Randomize
