i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
