careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
