you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
