my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We're too hungover to prance.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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