Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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