so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
