What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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