when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He's on the porch naked. Help.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
