I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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