i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
