Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
