This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
