During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
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