Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Everything about him screamed your future.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize