It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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