I think I won the penis lottery.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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