Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
