You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i was born a porn star she said
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
it's like heaven, but drunker
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
