I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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