actually, I'm a sock model
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
