why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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