the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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