the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
