This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
